Conan O’Brien’s exit deal is said to be worth $45M, in which NBC will pay Conan $32.5M with the rest being divided between nearly 200 staff members (that’s $62,500 each to those of you who don’t have a calculator handy). Conan’s last night as the “Tonight Show” host is Friday, January 22nd.  NBC also announced that Jay Leno will return to host “The Tonight Show” on March 1st.  Goodie.  I’ll go back to not watching that, just like I was doing seven months ago, before Conan took over as host. 

Conan can appear as host of another network’s talk show as soon as September 1st, but in the meantime he will be limited to appearing on other people’s shows.  There is also a non-disparagement clause in the deal which will limit the jokes Conan can make about the situation.  Yes, the fun police have cracked down.

You know, if someone paid me some ungodly sum of money like that I would go away too.  That amount of money just boggles my mind: I just can’t wrap my head around that number.  It’s true, I don’t make that much money.  Looking at numbers from my highest paid year, it would take me over 1477 years to make what NBC is paying him to walk away and it kinda upsets me.  Hell, I’d be happy with what his staff is getting as a severance.  We all know who is paying for this…  it trickles down to the consumer.  Who knows, maybe he’ll do something good with the money like donate it to the Red Cross for relief efforts in Haiti or help disadvantaged children. 

Conan said in his Tuesday monologue, “Hi, I’m Conan O’Brien and I’m just three days away from the biggest drinking binge in history.”  Hey, if he needs someone to hit the bars with, I’ll be ready at 8pm.  But let me tell you this – he’s buying.

I am enjoying his show…  mainly because Jesse Ventura does not sugarcoat anything.  Tonights episode is the discussion of a secret society which may be organizing a global death plot. This group supposedly meets yearly in order to brainstorm how they are going to run the world.  They are also trying to get rid of the common man, most likely with the poisoning of our food system. 

TruTV: Wednesdays at 10pm e/p

Don’t worry though… the group will need to keep some of us around in order to plow the fields for them.  And I am assuming that their food is not contraminated. According to the theroy, they are only able to have 500 million people in the world.  This is according to American Stonehenge and is clear to all. Disease and vaccinations are also discussed.  According to the show, if you are wondering why you’ve never heard of this secret society, it’s because “the people who control the mainstream media are heavily involved.  What else are they hiding from you?”  

Tune in January 6th when JesseVentura investigates rumors that the CIA has restarted the project to turn ordinary citizens into programmed assassins, and meets a man who claims to be a real-life Manchurian Candidate.

Every week it’s someone getting “You’re fired.”

I have endured The Celebrity Apprentice from Andrew Dice Clay to Jesse James.  I was not looking forward to the finale because we all knew that it was just going to be a showdown between Joan and Annie.  However, it did prove to be entertaining…  but only at the last boardroom meeting.

Throughout the entire THREE HOUR finale, we heard how wonderful Annie was, how great she has been, and all the money she has raised.  We get it Annie.  So great you are.  Can you walk on water too?

The exchange between Dennis and Jesse was interesting.  Dennis did not appreciate Jesse’s concern over his drinking and addressed it towards the end when former cast was on stage.  Dennis seemed out of sorts, and most likely due to the passing of Chuck Daly.  He mentioned it on his FB page as well [Was at apprentice tonight with a heavy heart thinking about my good friend Chuck Daly. I still can't believe he's gone.]

But my favorite part of the night was when Donald made his decision.  Who was going to be The Celebrity Apprentice?  I was hoping for Joan.  There were five criteria for the final challenge.  Joan [playing for God's Love We Deliver] did the best in Kodak branding, celebrity attendance, and guest experiencehree while Annie [playing for Refugees International] only did well in the fundraising (I know, shocker: Annie raised $465,725 to Joan’s $150,830] and charity integration. 

Annie was over the top and got worse as the challenge went on, going on and on about how Joan “must die.”  She really did not make herself look good by her tirades and outbursts.  Attempts to micro manage Tom Green were humorous and the party planner backing out on her was great.

In the end, however, it was Donald’s decision.  We see him talking to Annie and Annie getting more and more excited as he went on.  It really did seem like she thought she was the winner.  When he said those two words, YOU’RE FIRED, it must not have registered that she lost because she acted as if she had won for a split second… excited, smiling, and clapping.

I am glad that Joan won.  I think her charity, God’s Love We Deliver, is a noble cause and while both are great charities, I do prefer charities that help people in our own country.  I would have been happier to see Jesse James’ charity (Long Beach Education Foundation) win more money, but getting the publicity it is getting from the show will help their efforts with educating kids.

http://www.nbc.com

http://www.godslovewedeliver.org/

http://www.refugeesinternational.org/

http://www.lbschools.net/Community/Education_Foundation/

Contestant, Charity, Week Eliminated, Money Donated

 Joan Rivers – Commedian

God’s Love We Deliver

Winner, $526,546.39 ($125,716.39+ $150,830+$250,000)

Annie Duke – Poker Champion

Refugees International

Fired Season Finale, $730,725 ($245,000+ $20,000 + $465,725)

Jesse G. James – Entrepreneur / TV Star

Long Beach Education Foundation

Fired episode 10, $20,000

Brande Roderick – Playboy Playmate

California Police Youth Charities

Fired episode 10, $166,780

Clint Black – Country Star

International Rett Syndrome Foundation

Fired episode 10, $20,000

Melissa Rivers – TV Host / Producer 

Lili Claire Foundation

Fired episode 9

Herschel Walker – Heisman Trophy Winner

Alternative Community Development Services (dba Project Turnaround)

Fired episode 8

Natalie Gulbis – Golf Champion

Boys & Girls Clubs of America

Fired episode 8, $20,000

Brian McKnight – R&B Star

Youthville, USA

Fired episode 7, $20,000

Tionne Watkins – R&B Star, TLC

Sickle Cell Foundation of Georgia

Fired episode 6, $20,000

Khloe Kardashian – Reality Star

The Brent Shapiro Foundation for Alcohol and Drug Awareness

Fired episode 6, $40,000 ($20,000+$20,000)

Dennis Rodman – NBA Star

Court Appointed Special Advocates

Fired episode 5

Claudia Jordan – Model, Deal or No Deal 

NAPSAC Foundation

Fired episode 4

Tom Green – Comedian

Butch Walts and Donald Skinner Urologic Cancer Research Foundation

Fired episode 3

Scott Hamilton – Figure Skating Champion 

The Cleveland Clinic

Fired episode 2

Andrew Dice Clay – Comedian

StandUp For Kids

Fired episode 1

 Episode, Task, Project Managers, Winner, Amount donated to charity

1)  make and sell cupcakes

Joan Rivers* $125,716.39 / Herschel Walker

2)  create a comic book hero for zappos.com  

Khloe Kardashian* $20,000 / Scott Hamilton

3)  sell wedding dresses

Brande Roderick* $166,450  / Tom Green

4)  produce a live event launching ACN’s videophone

Claudia Jordan / Brian McKnight* $20,000

5)  work at Loews’ The Regency hotel

Tionne Watkins* $20,000 / Dennis Rodman

6)  create a viral video for All detergent

Melissa Rivers / Clint Black [no winner]

7)  create store display for LifeLock

Brian McKnight / Natalie Gulbis* $20,000

8a)  auction jewelry from Ivanka Trump’s jewelry line

Annie Duke* $245,000 / Joan Rivers

8b)  create a new product for Schwan’s

Jesse James* $20,000 / Herschel Walker

9)  create print ad for Right Guard

Brande Roderick / Clint Black* $20,000

10)  create jingle and radio ad for Chicken of the Sea

Annie Duke* $20,000 / Clint Black

11)  sell tickets to Cirque du Soleil’s Wintuk, plan a VIP party which includes a silent auction of  items collected by the team and showcase the Kodak EasyShare digital frame

Annie Duke $465,725/ Joan Rivers* $150,830+$250,000

Was I watching “My Name is Earl” or a commercial for Kay Jewelers Open Hearts necklace by Jane Seymour™?  If you were watching it too, then you may be confused as well.  If you thought you accidentally turned to QVC instead of NBC, you weren’t the only one.

Earl’s ex, Joy, wanted one of these diamond laden necklaces so she came up with the great idea to win her kid’s science fair for the $500 prize money to buy it.  She saw it advertised on TV and Jane Seymour appeared to her in her mirror, complete with her speaking directly to her.  It was just like I was watching the commercial – over and over.  I think the necklace looks like the Underalls commercials of the 80′s, but whatever.

After last season’s coma inducing storyline (my coma, not just Earl’s), I find this full length infomercial-disguised-as-a-TV-show completely disgusting and offensive to viewers.  So no one watched commercials anymore, why not write them into the show.  I wonder what they are going to schlep next week.  Perhaps they can talk to the ShamWow! guy and get something going.

Dream House – HGTV – Saturdays 7am ET

Meanwhile, back at the vineyard…

More work on the framing, months behind schedule.  Alas, there is a setback – someone scribbled some graffiti on one of the timber frames.  It is fixable, it will just be more time to make the exposed timber look like it should.  The elevated stage is also installed incorrectly.  It is going to be impossible to see any band performance while seated at the tasting bar so that will need to be taken down and rebuilt to its correct height.  The star window is in and it is painted and looking fabulous.  I just love that color!

Shannon, getting very close to her due date, is looking tired and haggard.  I mean, she really doesn’t look good.  Beyond pregnancy tired, she looks just plain worn out.  It must be so hard trying to build the new house and business and still take care of the their little boy, who is an active little one year old.  Add in the fact that both are still working their regular jobs and living in their tiny one bedroom rental.  At least their first batch of wine and jam is done and turned out ok.  “Christmas shopping is done” declares Steven.

I have to respect them.  They are working hard at getting things together.  Steven is working his regular job, tending to the grapes, and is doing all the house wiring himself as well as some other things he can do inside the house to save them money.  He spends hour upon hour working on this house and we see scenes from upcoming episodes that he is sleeping at the house in a sleeping bag in order to get things done.  I feel for Shannon.  It is hard to tend to all the other things that need to get done for the rest of the household, including child rearing AND making, while he is gone working on the new house.  The show doesn’t focus on that, but she must be Superwoman.

My Own Worst Enemy

Mondays – 10pm ET – NBC

“Breakdown”

I saw the ads.  I heard the hype.  They have fooled us before so I was not expecting great things.  But I do like Christian Slater and wanted to check it out.  I finally got the chance to sit down and take it in on Sunday.  This would let me know if I needed to set the DVR for Monday night’s airing.

I was intrigued from the beginning – literally the first five minutes – hooked!  It really appeared as though I was watching a movie… the set, the scene, the actors.  If I had a better tv set it would have really looked like a movie.  The thing that set it apart from regular tv for me was the post sex smoking and drinking.  This is something that is usually kept off the small screen.  It was a welcome departure from the normal crap we see on tv and it worked with the storyline, not like they just decided to throw in some smoking.  I know many people want smoking off tv, but I have no problem with it when it fits within the character.  And it did.

Edward has a great gig as a super spy.  Suave, sexy, gets the job done.  Henry is a pencil pusher with a wife and kids.  The premise is beginning to sound like “True Lies” but there is a catch: Edward and Henry are the same guy.  We have a spy whose agency is able to ‘switch’ his mind into operating as the alter ego.  But something is going wrong and he is switching personalities out of the blue. Edward wakes up next to Henry’s wife.  Henry appears during Edward’s mission.  The agency is aware there might be a problem, but Edward is sent out on another mission, only to have Henry appear.  AND this is all in the first fifteen minutes.

I am normally not a fan of premiere shows.  There is a long set up, the character development takes forever, and overall is boring.  Plain boring.  So boring, I never know if I want to come back again.  In this case, I need to set the DVR to tape all episodes because I am hooked!

Kenley sucks.  Should have listened to Tim.  I told you the man knows what he is talking about.

Leanne is the winner.  I use the term ‘winner’ losely since it was a lackluster season.  If I see one more wavy petal I may puke.  Yuck.  Give me Korto’s “overdesigned” designs any day over that white and boring blue palette.

Grey’s Anatomy

Note to self:  If I ever get sick, do not go to Seattle Grace.  Death may work out better for me.  I don’t need a hospital where the staff is more worried about pimping it or where they are ranked or where they are living.  The veterinarian down the street may be a better option.

Knight Rider

I tried watching this show three times.  This was the first I have gotten through an entire episode.  Even KITT is disapointing.  That car better drive itself because it’s droning voice would put me asleep at the wheel.

Dream House

The house of dull.  Imagine that – delays, problems, trouble with the wine press.  Shannon Mackey is working too hard while pregnant and looks like crap and is worried about money.  Not a very exciting week.

Rock of Love Girls: Charm School

I love bad TV, and this is some good stuff.  Castoffs from the Rock of Love I & II seasons are here to learn from Sharon Osborne.  Deja Vu - Courtney gets drunk, passes out, and is kicked out.  It’s so bad, but my DVR knows if it’s bad tv, I’ll tune in.  Some need better manners, but all need more clothes.

Dream House

HGTV ~ Saturdays 7am ET

I have watched Dream House in previous seasons.  In one season it was a stay at home mom acting as her own contractor, trying to get a million dollar home built in Chicago area.  In another season it was a group of three young kids remodeling their dream home in California by trying to do all the work themselves while living there.

This season, filmed in 2006, we follow Stephen and Shannon Mackey and the building of their 4300 sq. ft. Notaviva Vineyards winery and dream house.  They have a delusion dream to become winemakers.  It came to them six years ago when they were at a wine tasting event at Breaux Vineyards Harvest Festival.  Shannon asked Stephen, “Do people really get to do this for a living?” to which he replied, “You wanna?”  So armed with a wine consultant and a loan, a winemaking we will go.  [FYI – A new grape vineyard will give you a small crop after three years and in seven years you may break even.]  From what we have learned so far, we don’t know if they have EVER made wine before.  That’s OK.  Why not borrow $1.2 million to get into a new hobby?  Sounds like a plan to me.

All of this is going on while working as full time event planners, raising 10 month old Tristan, being pregnant with baby number two, and living in a one bedroom home.

OK, the $1.2 million isn’t just for the hobby.  $820,000 is for the winery/dream house.  Built in Percelville on an abandoned 42 acre cattle ranch in northern Virginia, will be a 4300 sq. ft. winery/dream house.  All they were able to salvage from the site was an old corn shed.  The 200 year old farmhouse was too far gone to be saved, hence the building of the winery/dream house.  The winery/dream house is a timber frame structure designed by the couple.  It will have a 600 sq. ft. kitchen and wine tasting bar on the main level.  Above will be a catwalk open to the main floor for people to sit and enjoy their wine.  And the music loft will be where the live entertainment and music is.  The basement will have the main living quarters.  It will have the den, two bathrooms, three bedrooms, and au pair’s room, and will be closed to the public.  The couple is hoping to have lots of kids to fill the bedrooms.  I would think all those kids would come in quite handy around the vineyard.  Someone has to stomp the grapes, right?

The couple is using cost saving techniques as they go along.  In this week’s episode, they decided they would burn the debris of the main house instead of paying $55/ton to haul it away.  The main obstacle {and what would a reality show be without one?}of this week’s episode was drilling for water.  It costs $10/foot to drill a well, and there are no guarantees that they will reach water, or an acceptable flow.  At 480’ water was found but it was only at one gallon/minute.  This meets minimum code requirement, but in order to meet the needs of a vineyard/winery/dream house they will need more.  They continue drilling to 600’ and stop there.  The flow was still the same as it was at 480’ and it looks like they will need to drill another well at future date.

Beyond that, the building permit is delayed and Shannon finds out that she is three months pregnant.  So that means NO vineyard work due to all the herbicides/fungicides/pesticides they use.  It seems this dream has some nightmares too.

Next episode – adventures in winemaking.  They make [their first?] wine.